Dearest Macky,
the wind’s soft songs stroke your fluff
and your little belly on shaded tiles
that’s what you always do
in yellow afternoons.
the door creaks open and you look back
swaying your tail
expectantly.
springy pitter-patters
beside mom's potted plants
they cheer as we race each other back and forth
throw in a ragged volleyball and the match intensifies
drawing out small
huffs
from that wet black berry.
as night comes,
only the herbs answer
when i call your name
a plush still warm with moist eyes
and like the wind i stroke your head
saying "Good night,
let's meet again in the afterlife."
Reflection
‘Dearest Macky,’ is a personal poem about my Shih Tzu who recently passed away. When I started writing the first draft, it was merely an outlet to reminisce my fondest memories with him and conveying grief. However, after receiving feedback, I have attempted to make this poem better by applying poetry techniques.
In ‘Dearest Macky’, each stanza is a small scene that revolves around Macky. I added variations in the line lengths. The longer lines such as line 10 and 11, when read aloud, gives the effect being out of breath as Macky and the persona are running and playing with each other. Moreover, the one-word lines like ‘huffs’ serves as enjambment. The logical phrase is interrupted, creating expectation, thus quickening the pace. Then, after ‘huffs’ is read, there is a pause, a break from the loss of breath in previous lines. Additionally, the gap between the fourth and the last stanza is to convey the feeling of silence and lack of response, a long pause before the reader realises Macky had passed.
In terms of imagery, I have added personification to the potted plants and herbs. I have also added ‘like the wind’ for simile and metaphors like ‘wet black berry’ for Macky’s nose. Oliver has mentioned that adding particulars in a poem could make it more textured as the details can form an experience. This is the case when I added ‘yellow afternoons’ instead of merely ‘warm afternoons’. I wanted to convey an image of an early afternoon. However, ‘yellow afternoons’ is not just a “better replacement” but it contributes to the sense of time with ‘night’. The afternoon and night portray Macky’s life as it ends. The afternoon reflects the time period between birth and death, and the night symbolises the end of one’s life. ‘Yellow afternoons’ also functions as a juxtaposition with ‘shaded tiles’ for the sensory feelings of the warm and cool.
For diction and sound, I added ‘fluff’ for a gentle aspirate to give the effect of a gentle breeze. I included alliteration and assonance like ‘Soft songs stroke’, and ‘black berry’. I also put ‘pitter-patters’ for onomatopoeia for the readers to hear the sound of Mackey’s feet when he runs.
Mary Oliver, A Poetry Handbook, 1st edn (Orlando: Harcourt Brace and Company, 1994), p. 57.
Oliver, p. 94-99